Are you bombarded with thoughts of, “I should”? Let me shine some light on what the “shoulds” in your life actually represent. Once again, it is a habit of your internal Chatterbox putting you down. It is constantly chattering to you about what you “should” do. It is created through others expectations. Yes, that’s what I said, “Other’s expectations of what THEY think YOU should do!”
It is your mind working against you. You somehow own obligations to do something you feel you SHOULD do. For instance, perhaps you believe you should go to work everyday. The truth is, you have choices. Each and every choice will cause you to take some form of action. Your actions with then provide you with natural rewards or consequences. For example:
(1) You could go to work. If you go to work faithfully you gain just rewards. You earn an income to pay for all of your living expenses.
(2) You could stay home. If you stay home on a regular basis you just might end up in the unemployment line leading to a life of financial hardship.
The point I am trying to make is your consistent behaviour, based on shoulds, can actually create an unhappy life. While it can keep you safe in your comfort zone, it can become a habitual response in conforming to others expectations.
For example, lets say you have a very controlling mother (or father, or any other person in your life) that expects you to phone every week without fail. Every time, after talking to that person, you get off the phone feeling down about your life. Otherwise, you are very content and happy about your chosen life style.
However, you know this weekly phone call is expected, therefore your chatterbox peeps up saying, “I should phone that person.”
Although it may not feel like it, you do have choices here:
(1) You can choose to phone
(2) You can choose NOT to phone
If you do phone that person you might get quizzed on what you are doing with your life. You might get constantly nagged to do better in your life, according to that persons expectations for you. This may prove to diminish your feelings of worthiness, as shaming often does. This scenario is a common shaming tactic used by many well-meaning people.
If you don’t make that phone call there will be repercussions to pay somewhere in the future. Can you handle the backlash? If not, give some serious thought to dedicating yourself to some personal growth programs!
The truth is, you could easily make that phone call. It is likely the easiest solution in the short run; the path of least resistance. Is this the way you want to live your life? Choosing the path of least resistance? Eventually it will likely lead you down the wrong road.
I believe you will be happier doing what YOU want to do. Living your life YOUR way. Making your decisions based on your wants! Of course you will experience resistance from some people in your life.
Having said all of this, some may argue with me. Please understand, what I am suggesting here is creating happiness in your life. Living your life, your way. Finding a way to twist this article around to follow a path of self-destruction is certainly another issue and would be taking this suggestion way out of context.
To improve yourself and your life for the better may I suggest:
(1) You acknowledge the shoulds in your life
(2) Then ask yourself, “What do I really want?”
If you can find the strength to follow your desires, wants and wishes all the people in your life that truly matter will have no choice but to accept you for those choices.
I wish for you the life of your dreams!