Have you ever been the target of a person raging? Not a pleasant experience to say the least!
When I Googled the word “rage” I found definitions such as:
– Violent, explosive anger
– Furious intensity, as of a storm or disease
– Intense, explosive, often destructive emotion
– Anger that seeks vengeance or punishment
– To move, rush, dash, or surge furiously
– To be violently agitated with passion
– To prevail without restraint, or with destruction or fatal effect
In my experience it is somewhat easy to distance yourself from a raging person if you are not emotionally tied to them. But, what if you are emotionally involved? What if you do love this person? Then you will experience the rage on a whole new level.
As a person that has been the target of rage, too many times to count, this type of attack on your psyche can be devastating. From my experience, a raging maniac has but one agenda…to destroy you in the moment. They exercise no mercy, they care not of your feelings, your emotions or your pain. In fact, they seem to enjoy, and take pleasure, in your weakened state. Unfortunately, encountering such an attack from someone you hold dear to your heart is devastating. Love is not supposed to hurt. To make matters worse, they will use the blame game saying it is all your fault. They are cunning, cruel and vindictive stopping at nothing in their quest to feel superior. Reducing you to an emotional wreck makes them feel almighty powerful. Most times you are left feeling responsible, useless, confused and extremely hurt by the emotional and verbal abuse.
How do they hold such power over you? The truth is, the person you love so dearly has been filing away information on your personal flaws to use them in the war zone when their anger erupts. While in a rage, they will “push your buttons”, using your most vulnerable emotions, until they feel they have inflicted enough destruction for THAT moment. And then, just when you think they have retreated to leave you wallowing in your pain, they come back to finish you off, diminishing you to the point of absolute breakdown.
Sound familiar? You need to understand, right here, right now…their behaviour is not your fault. The fact is, your loved one inflicting all that pain, is full of fear. Fear of losing control in their life. They are a bully, acting like a tyrant in an attempt to take power and control over you. This is not true power. It is short-lived until the next episode of rage. Yes, it will happen again, and again, and again. Make no mistake about that!
True power is standing in your strength and believing in yourself. A difficult chore indeed when you are being tormented in a whirlwind of rage. Knowledge can be a powerful source of information. An important step to taking back your personal power is to gain a better understanding of the “rager”. Take some time in your life to research and learn about these type of personalities. If you can figure out what makes them tick you can help yourself heal.
It is vital for you to understand their behaviour is theirs. You cannot change them. You cannot control them. You cannot rescue them. What you can do is change yourself and your reaction. This was a difficult lesson for me to learn in my life, “I cannot control the actions of another person, but I can control my reaction.”
Make a commitment to feel good about yourself. Find a way to prepare yourself for the next rage attack. Make an internal plan on how you will take one step to deal with the person raging. Perhaps just understanding they want to hurt you with their words can help a great deal. If the rage puts you down, pick yourself back up and move on. It is a process and it will not happen overnight. Above anything else, make safety your first priority.
What you should know about rage attacks:
– You deserve better
– You deserve to feel loved, respected and whole
The first step I took in dealing with rage was seeking and enrolling in personal growth programs. How are you at managing stress? How do you feel about yourself as a person? In what areas of life can you improve? Take responsibility for your health and wellness now and it will pay off in your relationships. Perhaps the time is now to ask yourself, “How can I become a better person?” Improving yourself makes you stronger and better equipped to deal with power, control and manipulation.
When I finally took that step out to heal myself I had a saying that helped me stand strong, “If it is to be, it is up to me!” No one can do it for you. This is your life and you have a right to live surrounded in harmony, love and joy.
I wish you much success in your healing journey!