After leaving my now ex-husband the sudden realization hit me that he would have happily remained in our marriage regardless of the unhappiness we were living. Why? To resist change!
In my opinion, it is not enough to love someone, you must be happy with that relationship. Putting family aside, the one most important thing in my life is to be happy. I believe that happiness comes from within. It is not measured through your finances, from your possessions, from your friends, from your partner or from anything in your world. It is a state of mind. It can be grown from your thoughts of worthiness, gratefulness, harmony and joy.
It took a great deal of courage for me to look at my marriage many years ago and admit it was dysfunctional. For too many years the truth was cloaked. This eventually took a toll on my health and I was forced to face the issue. Life has a way of doing that.
My healing began the day I dared to step out of my comfort zone. Yes, it was scary. Yes, it was extremely uncomfortable. It was at a time in my life where the pain had become greater than the gain. Change became the name of the game lest I fall into a permanent victim mode mentality.
Reaching out and dedicating my life to personal growth was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Did I know that then? No, absolutely not! I was searching for happiness and had no idea what the future held. Setting my sights on healing I took one baby step at a time. It took years for me to discover the ugly truth.
I had a goal to become whole. I wanted to be happy. It is said, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Doors were opening for me with my eagerness to learn. I soon discovered that my happiness must be partnered with love and harmony. How can one find happiness from within when they are surrounded in negativity? One day at a time, my healing felt like the sun rise breaking through the fog. When the fog finally lifted, the cold, hard truth of my partner was shocking. In my opinion, he was abusive using power, manipulation and control against me.
With help, I began to see I deserved better. The more I healed, the more I disliked my life. Eventually I totally and completely fell out of love with my partner. Taking inventory of my options, it became obvious the only way out was change and it did not come easy! In my opinion, change requires you to think out of the box.
The first step to change is deciding what you want. What is it you want? Everyone wants to be happy. The next question is, “How will you get there?” The answer will likely always boil down to one thing, “CHANGE!”
The next step is facing your fears. Eleanor Roosevelt said it well, “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”
Change is not easy. You must be willing to let go of the old…it’s the only way to allow the new to enter!